I Suck at Updating My Blog

But When I Do, It's Always Goddamn Awesome, Each And Every Time

So! Been working as a janitor in a factory for five weeks or so. It's fucking gross, dude, seriously.Factory workers can be seriously disgusting creatures. Sometimes, the horrors that I encounter when I go into the men's room toilets is almost enough to crack my sanity in two. I'm totally going to get a story out of this, though. Fucking right I will - anything this disgusting/creepy is horror writer gold.

It's not all bad, though; I'm pretty much under the radar in this place. As long as I'm getting my shit done, at any time I can jump in my van, get a Timmie's large double-double  (for my Russian and German readers, Tim Horton's is a coffee shop chain: a "large double-double" is a large coffee with two creamers and two sugars) and just fuckin' cruise around for a while. Have a smoke, see the countryside a bit, and decompress. I'm not fond of scrubbing toilets. Everything else I can handle just fine, but the goddamned toilets ... Jesus, even the women are sometimes capable of completely painting the interior of an industrial-strength toilet entirely fucking brown. What are these people eating!?

On a more pleasant note, I finally got around to having a book release party for my debut novel, 99 Brief Scenes From the End of the World. My old friend/band mate and his wife hosted the party for me (thanks, guys!). We got a bit loaded and had a game of infection tag, ate lots of food, got more loaded, and then it was time for this aging man to get home and let the dog out to take a much-needed piss.

Here's me, awarding the winner of the game of infection tag with a zombie trophy (made by my friend's wife) and a copy of my book (which he can't read for a few more years yet, aha). We're making zombie faces. Don't worry, he was sequestered inside the whole night, playing the XBox whilst the grown-ups were indulging in booze and debauchery (except for his Dad, who was driving. We're responsible, seriously.)

Finally, here's a link to the third installment of my hideously disgusting, raunchy-as-fuck parody of 50 Shades of Grey. I urge you to not read it if you're a wussy little punk who gets offended easily.

Fifty Shades of Decay: Part Three


Post a Comment