Real Vampires Aren't Handsome. They're Really Fucking Gross

I Highly Doubt That They'd Ever Get a Girlfriend as Devoted as Bella


First of all, I want to apologize that my formatting sometimes goes from single-space to double from post to post. I haven't a single dim clue as to why this is, and my girlfriend couldn't figure it out either ... and she's, like, in her twenties, and therefore knows stuff about computers. So, yeah, I suck and I'm mentally insufficient to the task of evenly formatting stuff. Sorry!

Okay, anyway ... fuckin' vampires, man. They aren't pretty.

Why would they be? Living in the darkness, hiding from the sun like that shit is the Black Death, feeding on the blood of pretty much whatever they can get their hands on ... naw, they aren't high-society types, how could they be? In order to be a vampire, you have to die - dead people can't keep their fortunes. Sorry, Count Dracula, but that shit gets willed away to others, or is seized by creditors. Nor could a vampire viably hold a job - either the sunlight will eventually get him, or his urge to devour his co-workers will. Also, as an undead, blood-thirsty monster, would you even fucking care about that sort of thing anymore? My guess is NOPE.

I see them as ghastly things, ghouls tortured by a disgusting thirst and doomed to exist in the pall of night. They'd be murderous, amoral, animalistic, simply not regular folks at all.

Here's another question, though; would they still have feelings? I mean, would they still experience longing, fear, sadness ... fury?


My Father


Look at you, crawling around on the filthy floor with your guts trailing in the dirt behind you, whimpering and piddling like a cur. You disgust me. Your existence is offensive. It was pure dumb luck that you bested my father, surely it must have been. Looks like your luck has finally run out, doesn't it?

My father was brave. He wasn't like you, you cowering piece of shit - STOP SCREAMING! Shut your puling hole and listen to me, or I'll rip your tongue right out of your throat. Do you understand?

Good. Hold it in and fucking listen.

My father was a provider for his family. He cared for us. He sheltered us from our enemies. Most importantly, he made sure that we never, EVER suffered from hunger. You smug, sanctimonious bastard, you wouldn't know anything about hunger ... not THIS kind. Do you think that you're in pain right now? Huh? You have no fucking idea, you little worm. The hunger is like a molten-lead agony that leaks into every fibre of your being. It consumes you, body and soul, and there is no release of death. We have to feed, and my father provided for us. Now what? Who will hunt for the clan? We're suffering. We're suffering unimaginably and it's because of YOU.

What? No soul? Yes, I have a soul. So did my father. He had a beautiful soul. You destroyed it when you destroyed his body. He's lost now. He's lost in the void, he's GONE, do you understand, lost FOREVER-

Oh ... didn't like that? I'll tear your other ear off, too! There, how's that? How about I reach down and rip a big strip of skin from your hide? Look at you squeal! Go ahead, plead to the Heavens, beg, vomit forth all of your misery ... it'll never be enough. You'll never suffer as brutally as the clan has since you crept, like a scavenger, into our domain - and drove a fucking wooden stake through my father's blessed heart as he slumbered. Oh, you pathetic, contemptible coward...

No, I couldn't possibly inflict as much suffering upon you as you have done unto us, vampire hunter ... but I'll try. I swear upon my father that I'm going to try my best.

Ha! Where do you think you're crawling away to? Get the fuck back here. I've barely even started ...

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