I Hate Her Book So Much That I Wrote a Really Gnarly Parody of It

No, Really, What a Piece of Shit That Book is!


I'll start this tirade off with a disclaimer ... E.L. James might be a really great lady, I dunno, I've never met her. I will say right now that I am no Earnest Hemingway, D.H. Lawrence or John Irving. Nope. Not a towering talent in the universe of literature, fuck no ... but HER books are a pile of listless, bland-tasting garbage. They're an insult to erotica, drama, and romance novels, all in one fell swoop. She shoulda stuck to writing crap-ass Twilight fan fiction. However, if she hadn't, well, she wouldn't be fabulously rich right now, and ... yeah, so I'm poor. Score one for E.L., ha ha.

Basically, the book suggests through the actions of the protagonist (a plain-jane "everygirl") that women are completely docile, passive and needy fucking retards who can be wowed into crappy BDSM sex with baubles and a big ole' cock. Now, obviously, this could be construed as bad role model material. Why can't the protagonist be a smart, resourceful and independent woman who happens to like crappy BDSM and big ole' cocks? Why?

I'll tell you why. Because she modeled her characters on the fuckin' bullshit Twilight characters, that's why. GAH! Bad fiction begets even fuckin' worse fiction, like some sort of awful, Old-Testament plague on the literary world. The bitch up and wrote one-dimensional characters based on the dubious, two-dimensional characters of another hack writer - and wow, WOW, just a terrible, terrible non-plot-line on this thing, seriously. Shitty dialogue, shitty prose, wooden characterization, ridiculous sex that's tame as fuck ... nope, I'm sorry, this doesn't deserve to be so popular that fuckin' radio DJ's are trumpeting about the shit right into my ear all the time. It just plain isn't good, not at all. The only reason its popular at all is the fact that people like to jump on bandwagons - the bigger the wagon, the more folks'll jump the hell on that bitch and mindlessly ride.

SO! Here's my answer to this insipid garbage that I see mentioned on fucking Facebook constantly; a horror parody to top all horror parodies. Behold, and follow the link to my "masterpiece" (ahaha) 50 Shades of Decay. I'm posting it on Reddit - at least this first part, we'll see if anyone wants to see the rest of it.

50 Shades of Decay - A Love Story

By the way, this is very much NSFW.

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